Got up the next morning, wrestling with my confidence. After some
coffee at Starbucks, I feel better. Matthew made me breakfast in
his kitchen. Eggs and Bacon! Yum! I shared my misgivings with him
and he was very encouraging. He said, "Lots of people flunk their
first Cat C."
"Did you?", I asked.
"No", he said.
Today at Skydance, there are two additional attractions:
Matthew is attending the coaching course. This is also a busy day
for AFF. There are 10 AFF students on the docket today. I was told
that I would have to pay for the second Cat C dive and that I
might be a wait.
I bump into Daniel outside manifest. He asked if I was ready to
do Cat C again. I said I was. Just at the moment, Greg happened to
pass by, turned on his heal and asked, "Why are you doing Cat C
again?" I explained that my legs were up causing back sliding and
Dan had to pull for me.
"He had to pull for you?" This time, it was not Greg's words, but
his body language that I heard most clearly. His body language was
saying, "What the hell are you doing here? If you can't follow
simple directions, you should not be here. This sport is too
dangerous for you. Go home." To tell you the truth, I can't
remember his actual words, but the body language was pretty clear.
I remember as he was walking away, saying something like, "Yea and
those mistakes cost me money too". Then he turned around
again and said rather severely, "Money does not matter! It's your
life we are talking about here. Obey your instructors or you will
die."
Well, so much for resurrection my confidence. It just died again.
So, now I'm really having an internal struggle. Why am I here? Am
I too old? I'm trying desperately to re-start my confidence.
I sat in the eating area reading the SIM. I try to figure out what
went wrong with the last jump. My answer was "Preparation". I had
spent 6 weeks preparing for the Cat A. I read the Cat A part of
the SIM several times. I watched Youtube videos on Cat A. I spent
time on my bathroom floor practicing the arch. I prepared for that
thing. For Cat C, Daniel's training lasted about 30 minutes, then
we got on the plane.
Then I hear Astrid on the PA calling "William, come to Manifest".
There was a long line at Manifest. I waited in line for about 8
minutes. Then I give up and figure I should just go try and find
her. So, I went outside and there she was. I said, "You called
me?" She said, "You are Reed, right?" I said, well, my first name
is William. She said, "Sorry, I could not find a William, so I
gave your spot to the next person. I thought you name was Reed.
Sorry! We will get you another AFF instructor as soon as we can."
So, I went back to my spot at the table. All of a sudden, I
cracked. Can't explain why, maybe it was the lack of sleep, or
Greg's little talk, or loosing my place in line, or all the
emergency procedures cramed in my brain, but suddenly, the two
parts of my mind that were having the argument, stopped arguing
and agreed. I could not do the jump and I knew that. So, I went
back to Manifest, found Astrid and gave the packet back. I said
(almost crying), "I feel terrible right now, so I can't do the
jump. I need a little time. Just take me off the list for now."
She looked sad and said she was sorry about the mix up.
I had my bike with me for the weekend because I had this crazy
idea that I would be riding from Matthew's house to Skydance every
day. That did not work out, but I got it out of the car at this
point and started on a clockwise lap around the airport. There
were a lot of emotions going on: Sadness, anger, hurt, that gave
me some energy to burn off. When I got about 3/4 around, I got a
text from Matthew, "We just did the part of our training for
discouraged students! I could not find you when I went on break
though". So, at that point, I did something that I have not done
in a long time. I cried.
It's amazing what a good cry will do for you. I wonder what goes
on in the brain when you cry. Some chemicals must balance out or
change because, after that, I felt better. I remember way back
when I was a kid, I used to cry more often and every time, I felt
much better afterwords.
After two laps around the airport, I came back. Matthew was back
in his class, but came out after a while and we had lunch. "I'm
done." I said. "Skydiving's not for me. Too bad I bought that A
license ticket." Matthew smiled a small smile and shook his head
slightly. "What happened?" he asked. I told him that I got another
lecture from Greg and I thought he was trying to discouraging me
from the sport. "He is right!", I said. "This is too much for me."
So, Matthew said, "OK, I'll respect your decision, but I
seriously doubt Greg meant it that way. Greg is just that way. He
comes off really mean, but inside, he is a really warm hearted
individual. He means well."
"Thanks Matthew, but still, I think Skydiving might not be for
me."
Matthew denies setting this up, but about that time, out of the
blue, about 4 or 5 people introduce themselves to me saying how
they flunked Cat C too and how everybody flunks one or more
categories before they pass and how everybody learns at different
rates, etc. etc. and how I should not give up, and how it gets
better.
Quan is an amazingly upbeat person. I admire him very much. His
smile shines so bright contrasted by his dark completion. "You
flunked Cat C? Oh man, don't you worry. I flunked it twice! And
Greg laid into me, oh Man! On several occasions. But he just
looking out for people. Wants them to learn to be safe. Greg's OK.
He's alright. He's a good guy. Man, don't give up. You'll get it.
It gets better! Hang in there!"
Angie is such a sweet gal. "Hi, I'm Angie. Listen, I flunked Cat
C and I thought it was the end of skydiving for me, but I took it
again and passed the next time. Also, Cat D, I had to do the first
one over. It's no big deal. If there was a problem, they would
tell you! If they think you are not capable of doing this, they
will be direct with you and ground you. Everybody learns at
different rates. Its OK. You can do it!"
There were several more people, but those two stuck in my heart
the most. All the people in this sport are just the most
supportive and kindest people you will ever meet... Even Greg. He
just shows it in a different way.
So, about this time, Matthew comes back and says, "OK, I talked
to Greg. I asked him, "Did you really tell my dad he should quit
the sport?" He said, "F$%k no! Hell no! No no no! That's a
misunderstanding!" and he apologized profusely and says he will
find you as soon as he finishes this next jump and apologize."
Well how could I not? I got back on the list and was assigned an
instructor I had not had before: Calli.
Calli is sharp, capable, has wisdom beyond her years and just
happens to be drop dead gorgeous as well. I have nothing but
respect for this young woman. She started off asking me about the
previous jump and read the log.
She expressed concern about my failure to pull on time more than
my lack of stability. I explained that I thought I was suppose to
"reset" and try again if I could not find the handle. She said,
"No! There is no "reset". Not sure where you got that, but forget
it. You pull! OK? If you can't find it, keep looking! Do not bring
your hands back forward. If that were me up there on your last
dive instead of Daniel, I would have pulled for you too!"
I explained to Calli about how I prepared for the Cat A for 6
weeks and Cat B was the same as Cat A really and how I felt that I
did not prepare enough for Cat C. I think because of that, she
spent much more time with me. We spent time on the trainer, in the
door mock-up and just talking though things. WE covered topics
such as wind turbulence and wing loading.
I also asked her about the radio. I blamed the radio for my
screwed up landing on the last jump. Daniel was saying "S turn! S
turn! S TURN!" and I was hearing "Left Turn!". So we talked that
through. She said that is is important to follow the directions,
but if the message is garbled, then you must fall back on your
training and do what is safe. We reviewed the landing priorities:
At one point when we were headed out to the trainer, Greg caught
up with me. "Hey you! There was a big misunderstanding earlier. I
did not mean in any way that you should quit skydiving! I was just
trying to light a fire under you to get your attention to be safe.
I apologize. I did not mean to discourage you. Just want you to
pay attention and follow your instructors direction, OK?" I was
... touched and we hugged. "Oh and Greg...", I said. "I brought a
case of beer for going over the student beer line." That got a
laugh out of him.
We picked up a guy named "Karl" as the reserve side coach. He
seemed like a seasoned veteran skydiver. We practiced in the door
mock-up in full gear, then marched out to the plane.
Calli's great. She talked to me on the way up. Smiled a lot. Got
me to relax. We went over the dive flow. She checked my gear. Then
we got in the door and it all went very well!
OK, now. I am NOT going to screw up this landing. What the heck?
What is going on with the radio? It's like someone is playing
Mariachi music on my radio! That's hilarious! Ok, where am I? 3300
ft. Lots of time. Let's do some turns, some flares, some... Wow!
What a beautiful view! This is so ... well, "Fun" is too simple a
word for it. How about "gratifying", "delightful", "pleasant",
exhilarating, Whoop worthy!
Winds light and variable. Landing to the north. Entering pattern
at 900ft. Going a little east of the tree line to compensate for
no wind. Check point 2, 500 ft. Perfect! Ok, check point 3, 300
ft. All this time, I hear Calli on the radio telling me I'm doing
good. Now, I'm getting down to 100 ft. The radio goes silent. No
problem. I know what to do. I'm in PLF position. I'm flaring. I
land just a little fast, the PLF works. I'm good. Woo hoo!
Turns out, Calli was talking to me on the radio when the battery
went dead. That's why it went silent. Meanwhile, some student must
have been very confused up there because there was another AFF
instructor next to Calli shouting into his radio thinking I was
his student landing. Ha! Fooled him! :-)
And poor Karl, he landed "out". Being the reserve side
instructor, he has to hang around me longer, so as a result, he
could not track as far before pull time. He ended up south of the
gun club and had to land in the alternate field just east of the
gun club. Calli had more time to track and opened higher. She made
it to the student field without a problem.
So, Calli was pleased with my landing and says that obviously, I
don't need radio anymore since I landed after the radio went dead.
Since the plane was flying north and we get out last and I
hesitated a bit in the door, that put us more north than we should
have been. I ended up at the end of the runway and Karl ended up
landing SE of the normal landing area. She noted that I was
relaxed in free fall and that I was stable! I had just a little
trouble finding the handle, so she prescribed pull tests for my
Cat D1. I was pretty happy to have Cat C behind me. :-D
While I was doing my Cat C, Matthew continued his coaching class
and did a jump from the helicopter!
It was great watching all the experienced jumpers fall from the
sky on the sunset load. There was no wind. In the "light and
variable" conditions, the students land to the north (away from
their primary hazard, the power lines) and the experienced jumpers
land to the south (away from their primary hazard, the gun club).
The first one down landed to the south. But the next one down
landed to the north! Greg was watching and looked upset. He said,
"I'm not waiting for them..." and took off. Normally, unless you
are a landing skydiver, no one is suppose to be in the landing
field. But he takes off looking rather angry.
Now everyone is landing to the north! And I was told that that is
what they are supposed to do in general to avoid canopy
collisions, the first one down is to set the pattern for the rest.
So, Greg gives this second guy a piece of his mind for like 8
minutes straight. I would not like to be that guy. THEN, Greg
comes back and gets on the PA! He says, "Please do not land
contrary to the pattern. Somebody is going to get hurt. Just one
weekend, I'd like to go through the whole weekend where there are
no contrary landings. If that happens, I will buy the drop zone a
case of beer. Thank you and have a nice evening."
Since I wasted half the day feeling sorry for myself, that was
the only jump I could do that day. I thanked Quan and Angie for
their good words. I swear, I would not have continued without
their encouragement. And of course, without Matthew, I would never
think of doing all this. :-)
We went out to Dos Coyotes on Corvell with Angie and her husband.
I think Laure Reed was there too and some others. Also, James
Copper was there! The google mechanical engineer. Ah, good times.
So, what started out to be a brutal and emotional day turned into a really good day!
On a side note, they did 33 Tandem jumps that day.